I've always bought into the “attitude drives behavior” philosophy. If the attitude is in place, the behavior naturally follows. We behave as we believe. If we believe certain things, we will behave in ways consistent with those beliefs.

This applies broadly in business and especially in negotiating. Your negotiating behavior has much to do with your negotiating attitude. If you believe that the ends justify the means, you will engage in any tactic, gambit or maneuver to engineer the outcome you desire. If you believe in mutual gain, you will pursue an outcome that benefits both parties.

There are four possible outcomes in sales negotiation: win-lose, lose-win, lose-lose and win-win. If the seller wins and the buyer loses, the seller may gain in the short term, but sooner or later the buyer will find another supplier. If the buyer wins and the seller loses, the seller will resent the business and it will show in his service. If buyer and seller lose, no one's happy and both will exit the relationship as soon as possible.

Win-win is the only viable alternative when you want to build great business relationships while pursuing a positive negotiating outcome. How can you, the supplier, win if your customers lose? How can your customers win if you lose?

Win-win begins with the attitude, “I know there is a good deal in this for both of us if we're willing to hang in there long enough to find it.” What a great starting point for negotiation. You've said to the buyer that you want this to end in a win-win outcome. The efficiency of this attitude is that you waste no time with games while pursuing a win-win outcome.

A positive negotiating attitude obviates the need to engage in maneuvers and tactics to achieve your negotiating objectives at the expense of your customers' needs. Win-win means you focus on the best mutual solution. If it's not a good deal for one of you, it's not a good deal for either of you. Imagine the time you save when you no longer waste time designing moves to use “on” your customers. You can re-direct this time to designing a great solution.

The win-win attitude also means that you are negotiating for, not against, your customers. Consider the mindset of negotiating for someone versus against someone. When you negotiate against someone, it's all about you and personal gain: All is fair in love and war and hard-ball negotiating. When you negotiate for customers, you're an advocate. You're asking questions such as, “What is the best way to solve this problem or fill this need for the customer?”

Imagine your customers' reaction when they realize that you're trying to make the best deal for them. If they trust you, they will trust the deal you have given them, including price.

Step back and look at your negotiating style from your customers' perspective. Are you negotiating for the best solution? How much “we” versus “me” is there in your approach?